How to talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime

Networking is a crucial business skill and many individuals find the concept of meeting new people challenging due to a lack of confidence.  However, when confidence is broken down it is only a set of skills that can be learnt in the same way as you learn to drive a car. 
 

Networking is about building rewarding relationships and many people feel anxious and uncomfortable when they meet new people as they do not know what to say and fear coming across as boring.  People often feel comfortable talking about their product or company as this means sticking to the facts but fear what is usually called “small talk” – that part of the process that focuses on finding out more about the other person and keeping the conversation going.    
 

It’s not about you

Many excellent conversationalists know it is possible to have a productive conversation by getting the other person to do most of the talking. 
 

Take the fear and discomfort out of this aspect of networking by focussing on the other person.  This is where using the right type of questions is an essential part of your networking skills. There are different types of questions that you can use to open up conversations and keep them going with ease. The two most common types of questions are called Closed and Open Questions.
 

Closed questions are the ones where it is only possible to give a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.  For example: Do you like your job? Would you like a coffee?  Closed questions are useful for fact-finding but do not encourage the other person to open up the conversation.  If you ask a closed question you will find that this usually only gets a brief answer and has to be followed quite quickly with a further question.  Closed questions are great for pinning people down but are not useful when it comes to creating an easy flow of information between two people.
 

However, another type of question is called an Open Question.  Open questions encourage the other person to talk more freely about him or herself.  When you use open questions, the other person has to expand their answers.
 

Open questions start with words such as What, Where, How, When and Why.  For example, what attracted you to work for your company? How do you come to know Mike? What would you say is the greatest challenge facing the industry now? Why would you like travel to the Amazon? Where would you suggest I find that information?

Once the other person starts to open up, providing you with information on one topic you can then use further open questions to find out more.  For example, “how do come to know Mike?” might get a response such as, “I met him at the Squash Club and we’ve know each other for a few years now and our families have become quite good friends and we went on holiday recently to Portugal”.  Not only have you learnt more about Mike but also about the person you are talking to and you can build on this information. For example, “I didn’t know Mike played Squash, I’ve never played, what attracted you to the game?” or “Portugal, that’s somewhere I have never been, how did you find it?” If you listen to what you are being told there are many opportunities to follow up with further questions and, as the other person is also likely to ask you about yourself, the conversation now takes on an easy style.
 

In reality, while you are focusing on learning more about the other person he or she will also be asking you questions about yourself.  This makes it a two way conversation.
 

Getting the formula right

In addition to using open questions, many people have found it useful to remember the acronym OPEN as it provides a framework to hang their open questions on.  OPEN stands for:

 

O ccupation (e.g. job, past, present, future aspirations)
Personal relationships (e.g. family, friends, partner)
Environment (e.g. home, work, general environmental issues)
Non-work time (e.g. leisure activities, hobbies, outside interests)

By listening carefully to what the other person is saying, you can use Open Questions to illicit information around each of the topics above.  You do not need to follow the formula as it stands – for example, someone may start talking about their holiday in which case you would start with the N (e.g. what made you decide to go to Jamaica?), but if they were talking about their firm’s latest figures then you would focus on the O part of the formula (e.g. how’s your company coping with the current economic climate?)

To help you get familiar with using both Open Questions and the Open Formula think about how many open questions, you can come up around a given topic such as Occupation or Environment. Like everything else, the more you practice using different types of questions the more questions will come to mind. 
 

When you are learning a new skill, remember that practice makes perfect.  Start by using your open questions wherever you can, with family, friends and at work.  Think about all the situations you may be avoiding due to your fears about talking to others and then armed with your open questions and open formula you no longer need to avoid or fear any type of social situation.    

 © Gladeana McMahon, 2008