Relationships: What makes them work?

You may have heard of the saying “You become one parent and marry the other”.

 

If this is new to you, you may be in for an interesting awakening.

 

Why do nice women pick not so nice men and vice versa?

 

For many years you may have noticed great guys marry women that treat them badly and sweet loving women have demanding controlling husbands. This situation plays out in many relationships. Whether it is a male/female relationship, female/female or male/male, the reason behind your choices starts at a deeper unconscious or subconscious level. In the beginning your choice to choose a certain person is based on your attraction. They seem wonderful and just what you want in your life. You may be unaware of the other reason you choose someone to be your partner or friend.

Which parent did you become?

During your developmental years you go through a stage called the modeling stage which is appropriately between the age of 7 and 14. These are the years where you model significant people in your life and start forming who you are. Little girls often model their mothers and little boys their fathers. However, this is not always the case. You may have modeled either and sometimes certain characteristics of both. Also you can model teachers, peers, movie stars or anyone else in your life. For the most part you will model one of your parents more than anyone else in this world. Which parent did you model more; which parent did you become more like?

Of course you have your own personality, but there are certain attributes that will be more prominent in you that resemble one parent. These attributes may be kindness, sensitivity, frustration, outgoing, shy, driven, helpful, patient or controlling. This list can go on and on as you can well imagine.

 

Which parent did you marry?

Whether you marry, live with, date or become friends with, which parent did you attract in your life? Which parent is most like the person you chose for your partner or friend?

 

Often the partner you choose will be the parent that you did not become. This is where the saying comes from “You marry one parent and become the other”.

 

Why do you marry one parent and become the other?

 

There can be many reasons you do this, but addressing a couple may awaken you to something you never thought of before now. First of all we choose what we are familiar with. That is an easy one to understand and probably not a light bulb moment for you. Another reason you choose the partner you do is to heal your hurts from the past and to evolve as a person. Yes believe it or not, you choose your partner to bring out all your hurts and insecurities you developed as a child so you can heal these issues and become the person you are meant to be. A very unconscious process for sure, but if you have been in your relationship for awhile, you may notice how your partner triggers certain emotions that sends you back into feeling just like you did as a child. For this reason changing partners may not solve the problem.

 

As it has been known for many years, people repeat the patterns in their life until they learn and heal what is driving the emotions and behaviors. Healing your insecurities, self worth and learning to love yourself by stepping into your own power will change your unhealthy relationships into healthy happy relationships that work.

 

Ronda Degaust is the author of How To Heal from Years of Criticism, Insults, Abuse & Rejection. She is a Break-thru Coach & International NLP Trainer. Find out more at her website www.lifepotential.ca or email her at breakthru@lifepotential.ca